How They Do It In XIII
by Halcyon Disturber
Summary: Orginization members are idiots. Especially Demyx. Now lets just see how idiotic they are.
1. KH Mart

**How They Do It In XIII**

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Demyx: What about your computer?

Me: Don't even start with me! I'm still pissed at you for what you did!

Demyx: What did I do?

Me: What the hell dude?! It happened just yesterday!

Demyx: Shh! Don't ruin the first chapter!

Me: I thought you couldn't remember?

Demyx: Remember what?

Me: Oh My God! I'm gonna kill you!

Strangling Demyx. Then security comes and hauls me away.

Me: Let me go! I'm gonna kill him! It's my story!

Demyx: What story?

Me: AGH! Read and Review Please! Or I'll kill him!

Demyx: Hi peoples! Can I have a sandwich?(Drool)

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KH Mart

Demyx, Axel, and Vexen had the day off from the organization and they decided to do some shopping at KH Mart.

Demyx: I'm hungry!

Axel: We just ate half an hour ago.

Demyx: I'm hungry!

Axel: Shut-up Demyx.

Demyx: I'm hungry!

Axel: I Don't Care!

Vexen: Quiet you two! Now if we split up we can get everything we need quicker.

Axel: Okay, what's on the list?

Vexen: Meat, Pop, Eggs, Milk, and…

Axel: And what?

Vexen:…tampons…for Xemnas…

Axel looked at him with the most weirded out expression on his face.

Demyx: What's a tampon?

Axel: Never you mind my brainless teammate.

Demyx: Hey! Me not brainless! Me am very smart!

Axel: Oh yeah? What does D-U-M-B spell?

Demyx: It Spells Axel!

Axel begins strangling Demyx while Vexen takes his half of the list to go shopping.

Vexen:Okay first off we need meat.

Vexen walks into the frozen food section.

Vexen: (Sniff) I-its so beautiful. So much ice!

Meanwhile Axel had finished strangling Demyx and had gone to find the items on his list.

Axel: Where the hell are the eggs?

Demyx had found a cart and was now zooming down the isles in it singing "Go greased lightning!"

Axel: Demyx, What the hell are you doing?!

Demyx: I'm winning the grand prix! Wheee!

Axel: Get the hell outta that thing before we get in trouble!

Then I come down the isle I am the manager of my own made-up store because I say so.

Me: Is there a problem?

Demyx: Yes! Your carts need to be oiled they don't go mach4!

Me: They aren't supposed to go mach4!

Demyx: Then why did I install this jet turbine?!

Axel: I'm sorry, my friend here is an idiot.

Me: I'm watching you two!

Then Vexen comes around the corner wearing…oh lord.

Vexen: Now I shall destroy Xemnas and rule the organization with a meaty iron fist!

Me: WHY?! How can you treat poor deli meat that way?!

I pick up a sausage.

Me: My precious! Your gonna pay!

Vexen swats me aside with his smoked ham hand and walks up to Axel.

Vexen: Bow down fool, and maybe I'll let you live!

Axel: Ass hole! WTF are you doing you freak?!

Vexen: I shall use this new battle suit of frozen meat products to destroy Xemnas and take over the world! Ahahahahaha!

Demyx: Go greased lightning!

Demyx crashes into Vexen and he loses concentration and all the meat falls off.

Vexen: Damn you Demyx! Damn you to hell!

Demyx: Okie-Dokie!

Axel: Shut-up Vexen!

Axel throws his weird flaming ring thingies at Vexen but he misses and they set the building on fire.

Me: No! My store!

Demyx: I'll help!

Demyx uses all of the water pipes and the lobster tank and makes a giant tidal wave.

Me: AGH!

Everyone is washed out of the store and into the parking lot.

Me: I pull a lobster off of my nose) Damnit! I'll kill you!

I start to strangle Demyx then the cops see me and haul me away.

Me: No! Lemmee go! I'm gonna kill him! (Sound familiar?)

Demyx: By Mr. Person! I'll send you a postcard while you're in the whacko-shack!

Me: You little(I can't type then next few things in fear of Demyx lovers)

Axel: Well that's just great, we never finished shopping!

Demyx looks around and picks up a box out of a puddle.

Demyx: But I got the tampons!

Vexen and Axel: UGH!

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	2. YOU GOTTA THINK WITH PORTALS, BITCH!

**How They Do It In XIII**

Disclaimer: I'm getting back on track, starting off with the smaller story, but hey, after being gone for months its going to take awhile to get back to the groove of things.

Me: I do not own Portal or Kingdom Hearts, but I've played them.

Demyx: You think with portals.

Me: Yes I do.

Demyx: I think with portals too! (Pulls out portal gun)

Me: WTF?! Where did you get that?!

Demyx: Long story, I just know a guy.

Me: Hey! Don't point that at m-(I fall through a portal and am sent to the sun)

Demyx: COOLS!

Me: OW! MY FLESH IS BURNING!!!!!

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**YOU GOTTA THINK WITH PORTALS, BITCH!**

One day in The World That Never Was, Demyx was playing his new game.

Demyx: Damn turrets! Stop shooting me! I'm only trying to drop you in the incinerator!

Zexion comes along reading his book of magicey spells.

Zexion: Hey Demyx can I play?

Demyx: HELL NO! I just burned my companion cube alive and don't think I won't do the same to you!

Zexion: Uh…companion cube?

Demyx: Yes the weighted companion cube, he was my friend, but the mean old bitch computer made me incinerate him T-T

Zexion: Umm…okay? Why can't I play?

Demyx: Because you are a book nerd, you aren't supposed to like playing video games, you wanna defy the laws of nature?

Zexion: Stop being an ass and give me the controller!

Demyx: Fuck off and go read your gay porn book!

Zexion: THAT'S IT!

Zexion reads a line from his magicy spellbook and Demyx is hoisted into the air and chucked out the window.

Demyx: DAMN YOOOUUUUuuuuuuoooooooooo…..THUD

Zexion: That's what you get for being selfish! Now how do I play this?

Zexion tries for ten minutes to figure out how to play the game, and when he finally does…

Zexion: Damn, this is boring as hell, where's my book?

Demyx, having taken ten minutes to climb back up the stairs, was ready to kill Zexion when he noticed Zexion's book. He picked it up and started trying to read it.

Demyx: S-E-X-S-L-A-V-E Spell. Who would want a spell that gives you fish sticks?

He read some more.

Demyx: Uni-Universal Trans-Transexual? Universal Trans…ference spell, Universal Transference spell, what's that?

Zexion: Demyx have you seen my book?

Demyx: No! I haven't seen your book with the spells that I'm hiding behind my back right now!

Zexion: What?

Demyx: Uh, I mean, LOOK A DISTRACTION!

Zexion: WHERE?!…Hey…WAIT A MINUTE!

Demyx had run down the hall into his room and locked the door.

Demyx: Ok, Universal Transference spell, first get an object with the universe in which you would like to transfer something…Umm…OH! I Know!

Demyx grabbed his portal game disk and set it down next to him.

Demyx: Next, recite these words. Oh object of my desire belonging in another realm without water or fire I summon thee to my universe, I give you a chance, I give you birth!…Wow that was so gay.

The disk started to glow.

Demyx: Ooooooooo, Shiny…Finally pick up the object containing what you wish to transfer and snap it in half…SNAP IT IN HALF?! Aw man, there's always a catch.

Demyx snapped the disk in half and a vortex exploded from it, the next thing that happened was something smacked Demyx in the face.

Demyx: What The Fuck was that?! Oh…My…Glados…

Laying on the floor was the portal gun from the game. Demyx then picked it up and went off to raise hell.

Demyx created a portal above and inside the toilet. Xemnas went in and took a number two.

Xemnas: Oh God! That is the last time I have bean burritos with halepeno peppers, hot sauce, and buffalo wings.

Xemnas flushed the toilet and everything that went down fell out of the portal in the ceiling.

Xemnas: OMFG! ITS IN MY EYES! A LITTLE GOT IN MY MOUTH! AAAAAGH! IT BURNS! SOMEONE COME BLEACH MY FACE!

Demyx Then went on to torture the rest of the organization members.

Demyx created a portal in Axel's shampoo bottles and another in some paint cans filled with hot pink perma-paint.

Axel: Ah, its so hard to look this hot all the time, everyone else is jealous.

Axel stepped out of the shower and dried his hair, then he looked in the mirror and paused for a few seconds, taking in the site.

Axel:…………………………….AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! MY BEAUTIFUL FLAMING SPIKES! THEY HAVE BEEN TAINTED! WHY GOD?! WHYYYY?!

Demyx: Nice hair Mrs. Bubblegum fairy.

Axel: YOOOOOUUUU!

Axel brought up his flaming rings of death and threw them at Demyx. Demyx gave a little wave and seemed to fall through the floor.

Axel: What the hell? DEMYX! YOU SHALL PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID!

Demyx then created a portal on the front of Larxene's diary and on all of the books in the Castle.

Larxene: Hey, what are you laughing at?

Vexen: Oh nothing…BUAHAHA!

Saix: So when's your honeymoon?

Larxene: What?

Roxas: Your writing disturbed me very much…

Larxene: What writing? .

Saix: Oh you want to huggle with Roxeypoo all night long! AHAHAHAHA!

Larxene: WHAT?!

She took the book from Saix and all of the pages had her diary entries on them.

Demyx: You want to have a little Roxey junior.

Larxene: DAMN YOU DEMYX! I'LL KILL YOU!

But Demyx had already walked around the corner and disappeared through another portal.

Meanwhile Zexion had been looking around for his spellbook.

Zexion: Hey Axel, have you seen my…Umm…What's with your-

Axel: STFU! NOTHING IS WRONG WITH MY HAIR! ITS PERFECT LIKE IT ALWAYS IS!

Axel crouched down in a corner and went into a feedle posission (My Spell check is gone for seom reason so I hope that's right) he rocked back and forth muttering to himself.

Axel: I'm perfect, I'm perfect, my hair is perfect too, nothing is wrong with my hair…

Zexion: Rrrrriiiiiiiiight, well I wanted to ask have you seen my spellbook? Whoever finds it could do terribley evil things.

Axel: Well from all the screaming I think Demyx has been being more of a dumbass than usual, and he did this to my h-my ha-my hair. T-T

Zexion went to Axel's room and found the book along with the universal transference spell underlined and Demyx's portal disk snapped in half.

Zexion: Oh, he is soooooo dead.

Demyx had made Roxas shit himself by making a portal on the floor under the rug so Roxas almost fell out the bottom of the castle.

He made a portal under Marluxia's flowerbed so they all fell into the furnace.

Made a portal so that when he bet $100 that he could beat Luxord at a game of dice he won each time bit sticking his finger though and flipping his dice to a higher number while Luxord wasn't looking.

Made a portal where Laxeus was swinging his hammer so he broke all of the priceless items in the castle.

He had Xaldin stuck in a perpetual fall from the ceiling through the floor for 4 hours straight.

And finally he shoved Saix through a portal that landed him in the bathtub with Xemnas.

Then the only person that was left was-

Demyx: Zexion! How's it going?

Zexion: Demyx! You little bastard! You used my book to get that gay portal thing didn't you?

Demyx: Yes! And Now that I think with portals you have no chance of stopping me! MUAHAHAHA!

Zexion: Oh No?

Zexion shot a bolt of lightning at Demyx, but Demyx was fast with the portal gun and fell through the floor and teleported behind Zexion and gave him a wedgie.

Demyx: BOOK NERD WEDGIE!!!

Zexion: Demyx! I will make sure you pay for what you did to everyone ten fold! AND FOR MINE TWENTY FOLD!

Demyx: You can't stop me! You can't think with portals like I can! YOU CAN'T THINK WITH PORTALS, BITCH!

Zexion had been casting a spell on Demyx the whole time he had been gloting, Demyx then flew out the window again, but this time Zexion picked up the portal gun and had created a portal at the bottom of the castle which Demyx fell through.

A few hours later, Everyone was eating dinner, Zexion had cast a spell so Axel's hair was back to normal, and erased the memory of reading Larxene's diary from Roxas', Saix's, and Vexen's minds.

Larxene: So, Zexion, where did you send that ass hat Demyx? I hope it was somewhere terrible!

Zexion: Oh you needn't worry about that, I sent him to the worst place of torture, pain, and suffering anyone could ever possibly imagine.

In the torture, pain and suffering place…

Fangirls: DEMYX COME BACK! WE WANNA RAPE JOOOOOO!!!!!!

Demyx: OH GOD! I DON'T WANNA BE A FISH STICK!!!!!!!!!

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LOL I hope most of you got the little joke at the end with Demyx. Well hopefully this'll be the start of a flood of new chapters for all the stories, and a few new stories.


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